I've planted the seeds, now I'm ready to receive

Since I'm not really sure on blogger's etiquette just yet, I'm not going to dwell very much on what's really bothering or tweaking at my heart strings like nails to a chalkboard. Okay it's not that bad. But sometimes I feel so alone in struggles that are actually not a big deal at all once you get to share them. And that's why they seem so difficult, because you go at it alone.

I left a company that I was working for for two years - my first job at a women's glossy where the pay was shit but it was glazed over by the free magazines, beauty products, clothes, trips etc that came with the job. It was not a bad job but I certainly did not enjoy it as I once did as a University graduate with a head full hope and naivity! So I left and now here I am doing my own thing and really struggling to pay bills and make my Jenny comes to Joburg story a success. Right now, it kinda sucks and the more I admit this to myself, the more the notion of getting a 9-5 that will take care of me financially seems dreamier and dreamier.

I was having one of these "woe is me" moments 2 Sundays ago when the fear of BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN EXISTENCE and FUTURE really crept in and threated to rattle my comfort camp. I was also going through some personal shit and needed somebody to talk to, somebody I could connect with that was not necessarily linked to my current life. I asked the universe for this person on Sunday morning, not even an hour later when I was walking to the bookshop on 4th, the universe gave me the present I was waiting for. It came in the form of my good friend Nic, whom I had not seen in 3 years. We sat down, I told him my woes and he listened intently and in True Nic style, told me shit that I would not dare take responsibility for. He said "Milli, the only person standing in between you and your dream of starting DMA is you", stop making excuses and get on with it already!

Now when somebody tells you this, is there room for "But, what about my lack of experience, no money, car yada yada yada???" Or should you really just bloody do it? I hadnt planned to write this blog now because I came accross some work I needed to do, but decided that this is just as important. In order for the work to be done, I need to be well.

I feel under pressure because whilst having to coach myself into believing that this dream is attainable and the time for it is now, I've got to pay bills which I'm just not coping well with. See why I sometimes want to jump into an office cubicle and be somebody's bitch for cash?

I need a break, not a holiday - just something or a project that is going to nurture me into the person I'm meant to become for this business to take off, while feeding me. I don't know what it is, but I know I need it soon. I need to work for a company that teaches these kinds of skills, an existing DMA of some sort where I can really learn the ropes, earn some money and experience. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that that's what I need. A propellor.

I await with great anticipation. You, great universe, will provide!